


If Evan made the right choice

by ObNOXious



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Connor is dead in this, Evan has a crush on Zoe, Evan likes punk music, Every one might be ooc, change my mind, done with a prompt, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObNOXious/pseuds/ObNOXious
Summary: What if Evan decided not to lie to the Murphys about Connor?Prompt used:Pick a scene in which you disagreed how a character handled a situation/person and rewrite it in the way you think it should have happened.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a story I originally wrote for school. Almost every Friday my English teacher has us read books and write a response based off the book. This was originally one of those responses I just edited and added on to it. If any one has a better Idea for a title let me know.
> 
> TW: Anxious thoughts, referenced suicide?

I knocked on the Murphy’s red door and paced. They invited me over to tell them more about my friendship with Connor, a friendship that never existed. They never knew about the first day of school. They thought the note was addressed to me because Connor and I were friends, not because the ‘note’ was a stupid therapy assignment. I have been dreading today since the moment they invited me. I wish I said no. but I didn’t want to be rude and decline and I think I was too shocked.   
I looked at the CONNOR on my white cast with a little bit anger. Those black letters were why I was here in the first place. If they were smaller then they would’ve never saw it then I wouldn’t be apart of this mess. But at least someone noticed me enough to sign my cast. 

Before I left Jared gave me the advice, nod and confirm. If it works the Murphys would just leave me alone and never talk to me again. I just want to put the whole Connor thing behind me. Well I will never put it fully behind, as I would never forget the disaster called the first day of school and finding out Connor is dead. Just the part where his parents think we were friends. Even if it means Zoe will never speak to me again I just want this mess to be over with. But, it could go wrong and they will continue to invite me over and then I will have to lie even more than I want to. But there was little chance of that.   
The door opened and I was met with Connor’s mom Cindy? Her red hair was a mess but she was dressed up nicely, not super dressed up, but enough to make my polo and khakis look too casual. 

“ Welcome Evan! Come in!” The happiness in her voice was forced. Of course it was forced her son just died. 

She lead me into the house. It was big and from what I could see it had little furniture. What furniture was there looked ether new and expensive or old and expensive. There were many pictures of the family a few of the older ones with Connor in it they looked legitimately happy. From here I could see upstairs and into a gray room with what I think is a Welcome to the Black Parade poster and various other posters from bands I like. Looking at the posters I wish I knew Connor. Maybe he wasn’t the kid who ‘threw a printer’ in second grade. Maybe we could have been friends. 

“ Dinner’s almost ready. Larry and Zoe are already at the table. Feel free to join them” she pointed at a table where Larry and my crush Zoe sat

“ Okay. Mrs. Murphy.” did that sound too mean? 

“Evan,call me Cynthia” Cynthia said with another fake smile.

 

There were two seats open. One next to Larry and one across from him. I sat down at the one across from Larry. I wanted to be as far as I could get from him and I figured the one with the wine glass was Cynthia’s seat. When I sat down Larry started studying me with cold eyes, hunting down my every flaw. My heart started to beat faster and my hands got sweaty. What if he realizes i’m just a mess like Connor was? I took a deep breath and after wiping my hands on my pants I looked down at the chair’s armrest in hopes of avoiding his stare. I noticed there were many scratches and pits in the wood. It dawned on me who this chair belonged to. It was Connor’s.  
I shouldn’t be here, in this chair. It should be Connor. He should be here angrily digging his nails into the the wood. But he can’t be here, he’s dead and he’ll never be back. The little appetite I had died. I just looked down and tried to not bounce my leg. I could tell from the glances the two Murphys it must be weird to have me here. An anxious mess who can’t even speak to people correctly who is practically invisible in place of the anger filled person Connor is- was. Cynthia set down a plate of lasagna in front of me. It was the first home made meal I had in awhile. But it all felt wrong it should be with my mom in my house not with some family that thinks I was their dead son’s friend. I gave her a smile. Even though I had no appetite I took a few small bites of the lasagna.   
It smelled and looked better than it tasted. I almost gagged. I managed to hide it before I looked totally disrespectful. I looked over at Zoe she had a look of disgust on her face. Unlike me she was not hiding it. I was able to take a few more forced bites before the talking begin.

“ So you and Connor were friends?” Larry said with a cold and suspicious tone.

He then gave me a cold look. My heart speed up and my hands go sweaty. I forgot how to react. I took a few deep breaths and remembered Jared’s advice, nod and confirm. Just nod and confirm then everything would be easier and over soon. Right?

The more I thought about Jared’s advice the more I realised I can’t do that to myself and the Murphys. I was never friends with Connor. Sure he signed my cast but he probably felt bad about pushing me, not because he was my friend. I barely knew him. He was just one of the people in my grade and nothing more. I can’t tell the truth to the Murphys since to to them I’m the only person giving them a connection to their dead son. But, if i keep on lying when the truth comes out it would hurt them more. I was starting to panic. Once I start panicking I would lie no matter what. It’s now or never. I took one more deep breath. 

“ No.”

Everyone looked at me shocked and confused.

“ What do you mean.” Cynthia looked close to crying

I made a mistake with that. Now everyone’s going to hate me. But it’s too late to bail. 

I looked down “ There’s something I need to tell you about Connor.” 

I told them the truth of the first day of school.  
Cynthia apologized for not listening to me. Though I noticed both Larry and Cynthia were somewhat happy that I told the truth. Even though the news of Connor not having a friend broke her Cynthia gave me a big hug. Larry was proud of me for telling the truth. He gave me a pat on the back and said something like honesty is rare theses days. They said I was a good kid and said I could come over anytime. After diner I talked with Zoe and got to know her better. She seemed like she was happy with me around. Even though I could barely talk and when I did I was rambling. Even though telling the truth caused some damage and pain I know I made the right choice. Maybe everything might be okay for once.


	2. Chapter 2, Zoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter! And thank you to @Alaskabound for giving me an idea of how to continue this story! This is sort of a filler but a necessary one

I remember when shouting matches were a daily occurrence. Now there was eerie silence throughout the house most of the time. It was probably because everyone was a mess. I keep on going back and forth from mourning the Connor who was my closest friend years ago and relief, the monster in my life, was gone. Mom is completely devastated. Dad is pissed or disappointed. it’s hard to tell as his anger and disappointment blend together when it comes to Connor. He had that same look on his face he had when we brought Connor back from the hospital after his first attempt. I remember dad lecturing Connor about why he shouldn’t do stuff like that for attention. Even though I was scared of Connor I thought it wasn’t right that dad claimed that his attempt was an attention stunt. I knew his first attempt wasn’t for attention. Nor the second. Nor the third. Then the fourth happened and now Connor is dead. We all tried to help him but it lead to fights and slammed doors. Dad and I quickly gave up on saving him mom never did.   
Ever since that night a little over a month ago Evan has been coming over quite a lot. I didn’t mind it at first but as I saw my parents fawn over him more and more I realized he was there only to fill the gap Connor left. He’s probably the perfect son material for them. He is nice, quiet, polite, and probably does well at school. I don’t know for sure about the last one but he has that vibe. Anyways my parents are more focused on replacing Connor than their living daughter. It hurts. Also for the past month they never addressed Evan’s letter. It somehow got forgotten by them. While I was in my room rereading the letter over and over again, they lived their life like they never saw it. He only told us how Connor ended up with it, not why it was written or why it sounded so much like a suicide note or most importantly why was my name in it. In the context of the letter being my brother’s suicide note, _because there’s Zoe, and all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don’t even know, and doesn’t know me. Maybe if I could just talk to her_ , makes perfect sense. But knowing the letter was Evan’s the meaning was confusing.   
Like the previous dinners with Evan the letter was never brought up. When he left I decided to bring up the letter.

“So when are you going to bring up the letter.”

“He already told us about it Zoe.”

“ No. He didn’t.” I crossed my arms “ _would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?_ There is something going on. Look just ask him about it at the next diner or something. That’s all I ask.”

The house was silent. 

" Fine just invite him over tomorrow." Dad finally broke the silence

I took my phone and quickly texted Evan. 

  **Hey Evan Can you come over for dinner tomorrow? We want to talk to you about something.**

 We waited for his reply. I probably freaked him out. He was always was nervous and he always looks like he was going to die if someone looks at him for too long. So getting a message like that probably had a same effect. Eventually my phone buzzed,

  
 **Evan: Sure I’ll see you tomorrow**


End file.
